Author: kimhaynesjohnson

I Might Be

I might be the hero
in another dimension’s
Christmas horror movie

I might be
because I have just 
torched a baby girl demon
wrapped in Christmas lights 
and flung her to the 
depths of Hell over a cliff 
by the sea and prayed 
to the Holy Ghost for forgiveness
in case I did the wrong thing 
but I burned every shred of  
evil and cast down the devil’s
Christmas elf in my nightmare

then woke up completely 
peaceful and relaxed,
not out of breath 
or heart all pumping 
behind a tight-skinned face 
or screaming in terror 
despite all the threats 
from the little fiend that 
she would return 
for more tricks tonight 

I might be 
the movie star celebrity 
of a Stephen King realm 
that exists in the dark universe
somewhere in a movie theater city
where the sun never rises 
and no one ever sleeps or laughs,
they all just eat popcorn 
and watch flicks 24/7 
like that’s all there is to do 

Yeah. Me. 
I just killed an evil baby princess 
in a vivid little coastal town 
probably somewhere 
near Bangor, Maine 
scaled a second floor 
sun balcony patio 
with a single jump 
to trap her in a stairwell,
wrestled this female 
pint-sized Chucky
lit her on fire
with an Aim-‘n-Flame
then hurled her over the edge
~ fully engulfed ~
I, the victor in avenging 
this little demon 
on a power trip 
to destroy the world 

only there’ll be no limo 
no red carpet runway 
In a glittery gown
straight past swooning fans 
to a Golden Globe for me  
~ just a Little Debbie 
Christmas Tree Cake 
shared with 3 
adorable schnoodles 
in the privacy 
of my own living room 
where I am only their hero 
in our rural Georgia 
Funny Farm dimension 

and all of this 
left me wondering 
if this little bitch I killed 
is the one 
who brings hot flashes 
and plagues my nights and  
whether I just saved 
all of womankind 
from the depths of despair 
with my dream-powered 
cunning stunts 
clever moves
fearless determination 
to overcome the enemy 

so if the hot flashes 
of the world 
suddenly cease and 
women across
the world are healed and 
have kept the cool side 
of the pillow 
for nights on end 
without sweat or explanation 
and start appearing on 
The Today Show and 
Good Morning America and 
places like that 
giving testimonials 
attributing it to some new 
mineral they’ve discovered 
or find that they’re dog mamas 
of all the same breed?
there’s no need to buy 
the infomercial miracle sprinkles 
or the puppy 
because that’s not why 
they’re hot flashless –
no, indeed
it was my nightmare prowess 
and bravery that cured us, 
y’all. 

Yeah,
that was me – the one
wearing the invisible 
blue snowflake cape – 
a hot flash hell hero
from another dimension 

I did that! 

Today’s poem has me wondering whether the Covid booster has additional side effects like murderous nightmares 

Go Ahead. Roll the Dice.

And so it unfolds ~

a tempting delicacy

on a glistening silver tray

sugar-laden phyllo 

luring the senses

beckoning one taste

of Eden’s secret

but be forewarned 

cheating is 

a nutrient-rich 

harbinger

bolting shut 

home sweet home

and all its

familiar comforts 

Today’s poem was inspired by Metaphor Dice, with host Margaret Simon on ethicalela.com as part of the November Open Write. My rolled metaphor is in bold. 

Covid Booster Blues 

heat lightning against

a nighttime sky ~ random bolts

jagged energy 

Covid booster shot

flared the same effect on me-

muscle lightning storms 

sore left arm like a

petrified tangerine lump

hornet sting of pain 

ice pick scraping skull 

like a dentist drills a tooth

eye socket headache 

trembling Jello ring 

fetal position shivers

fire poker iceberg 

warm-socked feet, blankets

tucked tight holding this body

weathering this storm 

Ten Dollar Lunch 

that ten dollar bill 

you gave me to clasp with your 

windshield wiper if 

I had a message?

I’ve always kept it folded ~

hidden, close to me 

I’ve never told you 

how often I think of it

how it melts my heart 

because – just like you –

it’s so random and quirky 

and unexpected 

 – was it for dog food? –

I forget. But now all I 

see is one part of

a thirty dollar 

lunch that caused a steep nosedive 

bursting pinatas 

I should return it ~

lift your windshield wiper and

say it bought that plate 

Wait, what? Take 2

SB 226 

to ban harmful books in schools

is really a thing? 

What defines harmful?

Our religious difference?

Political lines? 

Kids won’t want to write.

When we silence and censor,

we are admitting

that our own beliefs

are too weak to stand against

the ones we don’t keep.

A nation so rights-

oriented for guns and

vaccination choice 

wants to ban free thought 

and speech. Because books have the 

power to change us

in a way guns and

diseases don’t. Indeed, books

are healing vessels.

Wait, what?!

wait, what??? the earth is flat??

what about the round pictures from space?

<am I in some kind of vortex??

can this conversation be happening?>

why are sunrise times different, then? 

how would we have different time zones coast to coast on a flat earth?

wait, aliens and spaceships? 

why would secret footage be hidden?

we really aren’t allowed to fly over antarctica? how did my friend visit there? 

so the 4 different kinds of map projections are all out of whack and things are distorted? 

but isn’t that a visual representation challenge and not evidence of a physical planetary impossibility?