Posted on by kimhaynesjohnson

Slice of Life – March 15 (Ides of March) – Grooming Day

Special thanks to Two Writing Teachers for the Slice of Life Story Challenge

Yesterday was grooming day for our three boys.

You know those kids you see coming to class and think, “well…..here we go…..they couldn’t be absent just this once?”

Two of these dogs are those kids.

I went to pick them up and got pulled into the dreaded parent-teacher conference with the principal of the facility; one of my incorrigible boys can no longer stay in the same run with the others because he picked a fight that ended up in a kennel brawl. Another one lost all of his facial Schnauzer features – his signature brows and beard – because he had run through the brambles at home and the hair was too tangled to be saved. One came home looking like the Lorax and another like a junkyard dog. The lone angel, of course, looks like a fine specimen of his breed and minds his own business. He’s the best dog we’ve got, I tell my husband, as he covers the ears of the other two.

I can’t take ’em nowhere.

Fitz, Boo Radley, and Ollie (the angel)
Can't Take 'Em Nowhere 

see these boys right here?
two kennel troublemakers~
can’t take ‘em nowhere!

'cept one's an angel~
"the baby" can do no wrong
minds his own business

they went for groomings-
what a complete disaster!
can’t take ‘em nowhere!

see this one right here?
he ran through the beggar lice,
lost his schnauzer face

had to shave him down
now he looks ridiculous
he don’t care one lick

see this one right here?
he started a kennel brawl
can’t take 'em nowhere

flashed a sharp-fanged tooth
issued aggressive death threats
- - - solitary cell- - - 

see this one right here?
he don’t never cause trouble
this perfect sweet soul

can’t take ‘em nowhere
‘cept home to the Funny Farm
with the rest of us

see these boys right here?
two kennel troublemakers~
can’t take ‘em nowhere!
Fitz – – caused a kennel brawl and came home looking like The Lorax
Boo Radley – had to be shaved down and came home looking like a junkyard dog and don’t care one lick
Ollie – the little angel who never causes trouble

Yet despite all their shenanigans, they’re our much-loved bad boys.

9 Replies to “Slice of Life – March 15 (Ides of March) – Grooming Day”

  2. Kim,
    Sounds like ya got trouble. Trouble with a capital “T” w/ those bad boys. LOL! Poor Boo Radley. Something tells me the loss of his signature look saddens you most of all. Snug would hate to lose his beard. What I’d really like to know, and it’s none of my business, is how much you paid to be dragged into the principal’s office. Ha! Grooming ain’t cheap! Thanks for the brilliant poem and morning chuckle.

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  5. I adore this post and each one of your rascally boys! Those faces-<3 The poem is too cute, with its bounce and dialect. It's good that love and redemption are real things! For the record, we had a shepherd mix once that got addled with the grooming right after it commenced. We were called to come get her. She was half-shaved…our youngest came home, surveyed the situation, and stated: "Welp. That looks like a dog we'd have."

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  8. Kim, what a fun post. I had heard all their names before, but today I learned more about their personalities. I love your sweet poem. The photos are awesome, especially that one where they are all three on the bench, looking so calm and proud of themselves.

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  9. Can’t take ’em nowhere is a great refrain. This feels like a poem meant to be recited. Maybe, when it comes to groomin’, that refrain is what they’re hopin’. I think some people are grossed out when we tell them that we don’t even bathe our dog, never mind groom him. He seems to take care of himself very well. Then again, that could be the reason we get so few visitors. I think Boo Radley looks pretty sharp with the new haircut. I love that couch picture

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