Non-Reindeer Mind Games
There is this sweet little doe who comes to our window and plays mind games with our schnauzer Fitz, who knows his one job is to keep wildlife at bay. But this deer won’t budge
He warns her repeatedly, but
she says that this is the best yard in the entire state of Georgia and she has no intention of settling for another one
he scoffs and growls at that remark
she says she likes the lush grass and vegetation – such lovely flora- and the safety from the threats of predators nearby in other yards where there are guns
Fitz tries to convince her that this house has guns, too, but she refuses to believe him… she says she knows his daddy
she says this grass is the best green color for peeing on anywhere that she has ever seen and has her favorite spots all marked and that he would do well to stay off of them
Fitz rebukes her, insisting that she is killing the grass that his dad works so hard to maintain, but she says no – she says sees him out on the tractor and that his dad has invited her to live here and pee on any spot she likes….they talk, she tells Fitz….
she says the trails and routes that she take at various times throughout the day are her favorites she has ever made and that she will keep right on walking them, as he barks his little head off from the window. She says if he wants to bark like a fool and lose his voice, that’s his choice, that she will just keep staring at him like a caged enemy
Fitz tells her that this is no place for safety, that he has personally seen rabid foxes and raccoons, coyotes beefy enough to take her and her girlfriends and their babies down, hawks attacking small mammals, and packs of dogs fiercer than serial killers , not to mention the copperheads and rattlesnakes slithering about
she says those animals are only looking for small, black, fat Schnauzers that look like little insane German philosophers and that they do not scare her
he tells her that there are more ticks and spiders in this acreage than anywhere else in this county and that Lyme Disease is the new Covid for deer
she tells him that his dad has treated the entire property just for her with some special, safe tick dust that might kill little dogs and ticks, but it won’t hurt her…she says she heard he brought a tick to bed that attacked his mother and that his mother says it might be safer to sleep with a deer, so she’s coming indoors to sleep with us tonight in his spot – and lifts her chin and walks behind the trees
Fitz lets loose a stream of mammalian cuss words not translatable to humans and storms off to our bed, claiming his spot for a morning nap and strategizing his next mind game moves
….as he does every morning…..