Patchwork Prose and Verse
This month, I’m writing posts from prompts in the Writing Down the Bones Card Deck by Natalie Goldberg, shared with me by my friend Barb Edler of Iowa. Today’s prompt card inspires us to write about arriving someplace late – a dinner, a job interview, a funeral, an appointment. I remember my father saying that my first marriage should have ended long before it did, and these words prompted my haiku poem today.
I arrived 19
years late to my own divorce
by the grace of God
I find injustice
in the flattened baby deer
spotted in the road
In Dad’s final days, he shared words about his love of our mother with us. We are grateful to have had parents who loved each other their whole lives. In this conversation and in the audio clips we share today, we find great peace. Dad knew where he was going, and he knew he would be with her when he arrived. We’re confident today that he is there and that they have been reunited. In our grief, this brings us the greatest joy!
she was the love of
his life ~ Miriam Jones Haynes ~
as he was of hers
Here, he explains how he rejoins her now.
In Dad’s final days, he shared stories that my brother and I listened to and recorded as he told them. Here is one about how fast he was in his younger days:
He Wore His Fast Shoes
his mama told him
to go get a loaf of bread
his cousin Porky
said Felix flew out
the door and was back before
the door even closed
The words of a dying man are treasures.
Dad shared stories in his final days – time he spent with Henry Aaron, his father’s time with Shoeless Joe Jackson and the baseballs we must keep….our weird family, and what to do with the Roseville china, sponsoring love life through crawfish, and selling Cottonmouths for twelve bucks…….all these things that express the flavor and quirkiness of our family. I’m glad we captured these stories on audio so that we can revisit them as we go through the process of grieving our loss of Dad. These moments of the most random conversations filled with memories are priceless to me, no matter how scattered they may seem to others. I’ve used the chain Haiku form here in the poem I’m sharing today, using Dad’s exact words in these lines.
Twelve Bucks for a Cottonmouth
my brother is a
freebie baby, a clearance
kid of great value
our weird family
snake blood in our DNA
swamp genes in our veins
serendipitous
steering currents bring surprise
unexpected guests
prayer conversations
important time together
letting kids climb trees
these things that happen
hodgepodge of mismatchery
eclectic, unique
Okefenokee
twelve bucks for a cottonmouth
Wings Service Station
I sponsored my love
life selling crawfish, Dad said
(priceless audio)
In Dad’s final days of life, he shares some life lessons that we all must anticipate. Some we need to rethink. Dad’s bottom line: we are not going to get out of this world alive. I’m glad my brother and I were able to spend those days by Dad’s bedside engaging in conversations with him as the final curtain closed on his life this side of Heaven. We took away some stark realities and a few laughs each day, and we preserved them so that we can relive them long into the future ~ especially as we go through the process of grieving this immense loss. I share Dad’s simple thought for today in a haiku.
We’re Not Getting Out Alive
we’re not going to
get out of this world alive
not any of us
Wild Child
cheers for the wild child
in every family ~ the
ones who stir the pot!
who keep things lively
who keep parents on their toes
who learn first….then share
I went for a quick getaway to Ellijay, Georgia between Dad’s funeral and the tasks of cleaning out a house and storage rooms with my brother. Somehow, my thoughts went straight to visiting vineyards, and I think I found a retirement plan up there waiting for me in the North Georgia mountains. Crisp air, majestic views, friendly dogs, tasty wines – – just add friends and family, coffee, a fire pit with an Adirondack chair and a book, and…..that’s the life for me! It’s just the medicine I needed for these days in between – – similar to the kind of medicine Dad described in one of his final conversations with us. You can listen here:
Dog-Friendly Vineyard Retirement Dream Haiku
my retirement dream
is pouring wine tastings for
people and their pets
because the longer
the people sit and sample,
the better life gets!
Like John Muir, I often feel the mountains calling…..and I must go.
I was reminded of a story Dad told about his grandfather who once lived in Gainesville, Georgia, a mountainous area of our home state. Somewhere along the way, a rock marking his homestead was moved from that place in Gainesville by a family member to Dad’s house on St. Simons Island, Georgia, and one day this month, my brother and I will be retrieving it to go to our cousin Kathy Gilmer’s house. Kathy is compiling a book of family stories and will be the next keeper of the rock. I’ve often wondered where my inner mountain calling came from, and now I know how the mountain spirit got in my soul. Over the years, people have asked me how I could move away from the beach. Let me tell you something: densely-populated tourist-thronged beaches ripe with heat and humidity hold no sway over the tranquility of mountains in the early morning when the mist is rising and a veil of silence hangs low before sunrise. The clean air, the cool temperatures, the majestic views, and the vineyards are just as pure as the ocean, without the need for flood insurance.
So I did what any good daughter channeling her inner mountain gypsy would do right after Dad died and there was a space of resetting between the final days, the death, the funeral, and the business of closing down shop.
I rented an Airbnb in Ellijay and took my soul Schnauzer, Fitz, on a dog-friendly vineyard-hopping tour. Our first stop was Engelheim (translation: angel home) Vineyards, where Fitz’s German roots inspired me to order the Riesling, and every last sip was divine.
We must keep our sense of adventure alive…..whether with wine or with travel excursions or with ice cream, as we discussed in some of Dad’s final days of his life. The nurse in the hospital had offered him only vanilla or chocolate, and my brother, sister in law and I were discussing this with Dad. You can listen here:
Engelheim Vineyards
a glass of Riesling with Fitz
perfect afternoon
Today is Slice of Life Tuesday, and we’re writing to a prompt shared by Jenna Komarin: “The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.” — Ursula K. Le Guin
That quote aptly describes the past six weeks, from the time my father took a steep nosedive the last week of May after finishing chemotherapy treatments and died of complications from Pulmonary Fibrosis on Friday, June 13. Even though there was a known certainty in the dense fog of uncertainty, the glimmer of hope in the uncertainty is what kept us all going.
Throughout the month of July, I’ll be using Dad’s stories I captured in the final weeks of his life to share poems about things that were on his mind – and I’m using the actual words from recorded audio, preserving the wording the way he spun it. I’m grateful to my friend Janette Bradley for sharing the idea to record these conversations to play again whenever I need to hear his voice.
When my brother Ken and I were there with Dad as he was rapidly deteriorating, we asked him to tell stories of family and his younger days to pass the time and keep his (and our) mind off the endless waiting and dreadful reality as things kept taking turn after turn like some sputtering single-plane engine spinning wildly out of control before the crash. It took some effort through broken breaths and the din of the oxygen machine that reminded me so much of a noisy generator, but he managed to share priceless treasures full of nuggets of wisdom from a life well lived with rich descriptions of family and friends from long ago.
In one story, he spoke an unintended haiku about his mother out of thin air. He told us, “Your grandmother said, ‘we dig our graves with our teeth,’ and she was not wrong.” I counted the syllables and captured the wisdom that he was sharing with his children ~ wisdom that his grandchildren and great grandchildren will appreciate in the coming years as they continue to remember Dad. Even when – – no, especially when – – life feels so uncertain.
Media Clip: Dad Telling About His Mother’s Sayings
Dad’s Thin Air Haiku
your grandmother said
we dig our graves with our teeth
and she was not wrong
Note: My grandmother’s quote is attributed to Thomas Moffett, a physician from the 1600s, and later to Thomas Edison, who often gets credited as the originator.
Common Threads 