Tag: Gratitude

sometimes I suppress memory

sorrow, disgust, guilt, misgivings

I should probably take more

action on like those

twin mattresses we delivered

to that young single mother of

five dirty children in a photo we saw

in all the mess

and a filthy home last week,

mattresses practically new

we no longer needed, so I listed them

on Facebook Marketplace for cheap

the young mother didn’t have a person

or a way to get them so we delivered

them, left them on the

wheelchair ramp to her mobile home

sat in silence for a few moments staring

at the dump of the place, the broken

chairs and table, the dilapidated pet

cage (minus a pet, thank God),

plastic bags of strewn clothing,

home tattoo kit in a bag with needles,

smashed toys, headless dolls, trash

shattered bottles, crushed cans,

upturned cooler, bricks, dishes, wet papers,

random things everywhere destroyed

by rain and weather and wondered

(tried not to judge but it was impossible)

then a man came out with a bike helmet

and we asked if he was the boyfriend

meeting us to receive the beds

and in an offended tone told us no way

he was only there to fix a leak

with force like we’d slapped him

so we left them there in all the filth

right by a trash heap and wondered

whether to call DFACS or mind our

own business (remembering: I’m mandated

even outside of my own county, I’m

mandated as a human being for

reporting deplorable conditions)

I know they’re inanimate objects

my husband turned to me

confessing a hard truth

as we backed out of the parking space

but I almost feel sorry for the mattresses

I swallowed hard and admitted:

I keep telling myself that there

are five children who need a place

to sleep and these may be the

only clean beds they’ll ever see

(and maybe the only beds at all)

sobered by the experience

of this hardship case

rattled to the core, speechless,

we drove 23 miles back to clean

trying to forget all we’d seen

wondering if we owned enough soap

but still asking: did we do the right thing?

should we return with groceries,

does she have services in place?

because tears do not cure hunger

tears do not clothe children

no, crying doesn’t change a thing