Tag: Gratitude

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Family Pictures: Childhood Kitchen Table

Here we are, my brother Ken and I, November 1972. He was turning 1, and I was helping him celebrate at the round oak kitchen table where we shared so many childhood memories. Ken was the non-morning kid who hid behind the cereal box, daring anyone to look at him in the mornings and promptly growling at those who stole a glance. He turned out just great – – I couldn’t ask for a better brother, and we are blessed to be close siblings in adulthood when so many brothers and sisters aren’t. Even though he was the proverbial Grinch of his morning domain as a child, today he is in the top two percent of the most loving and giving adults I know. Kind, smart, and cool under pressure – – a very level-headed person, especially compared to me – – not always kind, not nearly as smart, and certainly not cool under pressure. Level-headed is debatable.

We’ve spent the past year cleaning out our parents’ home of long-held treasures (and some we found in seven storage units that were picked up at estate sales along the way for a retirement plan antique store they never quite got off the ground once Mom got sick). Somehow, I was fortunate enough to end up with our childhood breakfast table, and while not every memory right now with Dad brings warmth because there is a certain amount of anger in all the grief, the table is the ONE piece of furniture I can look at and actually smile and remember nothing but the happy times, including the way my brother grumped to the table in his “footer things,” pajamas with feet, slumped his blanket up in the chair, climbed up and moved “his” cereal box into a shield position like a morning cheerfulness boundary between him and the morning people family he was born into. It was an unspoken rule in our home to look anywhere but in his direction, because he was vigilantly guarding the air space on his side of the table, like a soldier in a trench with a growl gun propped and loaded.

And I think of all the coffee and conversations, decisions, laughter and tears throughout the years.

Table Tanka

today I sit here

with family history

faded memories

running my fingers along

the edge of present and past

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Family Pictures: Christmas Flower Show

Sometimes the picture speaks in ways we cannot. I’ve been sifting through tubs and tubs of family photos, digitizing them and organizing them in folders to share with family members who, like me, would rather have them on a flash drive than taking up prime real estate in photo albums in the back of the attic. In some cases, I’m sharing via Facebook Messenger if I find those taken with friends who would enjoy the throwback. On a random weekday morning last week, I sent this one to my childhood friend Nancy so we could both remember the years we created floral arrangements with the help of our mothers as we competed in the annual Garden Club’s Christmas Flower Shows.

My friend Nancy (right) and me at the annual Garden Club’s Christmas Flower Show, early 1970s

I wasn’t expecting this response, and it showed me how the power of the photograph can often reach back through the years and find the places that older generations can remember – – like trying to scratch an itch that you never quite can find, and then suddenly you find the sweet spot of relief. This is Nancy’s reply:

Screenshot

How to Make it Count

you’ve bought the shoes

you’ve worn the dress

you’ve taken the trip

now….

send the picture

tell the story

share the memories

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Family Pictures: Chasing Seagulls

Mallory, October 1987, Hilton Head Island, SC

Horizon Nonet

one

day we

just let her

explore the beach

chasing seagulls in

surf, taking flight of her

own , freedom not yet tasted

in a big world where horizons

beckon us to follow distant dreams

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Family Pictures: It’s Been One Year!

Felix Haynes, about 1960
Rev. Dr. Wilson Felix Haynes, Jr., with five of his great grandchildren, grandson and granddaughter in law, and me 2024

It’s been a year. Dad died on Friday the 13th of June, 2025 in the wee hours of the morning, after succumbing to complications from pulmonary fibrosis aggravated by both colon and prostate cancers. He was an avid reader and antiquarian book collector. He never met anything he didn’t want to collect, but he couldn’t live without books. My brother Ken and I hope heaven has a big library since he couldn’t take any of them with him. Dad’s brother Greg, also a collector but who has more of a book salesman approach to managing the accumulation, is helping sell the books and getting them to “all the right targets,” as Dad so famously desired. A book in the right hands is indeed able to change the world.

Dad’s dog, Kona, brought the most comfort in his final years

Heavenly Tanka

today marks one year

that we haven’t had you here

(are there books up there??)

more important: are there dogs?

most important: Mom is there…..

My brother Ken “explains” to Dad’s beloved dog Kona that she was not purposely abandoned; we needed her to see what happened. Dad chose a family from their daily dog park romps to adopt her.
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Family Pictures: Swings

June 1972, Waycross Georgia at my Haynes’ grandparents on Creswell Street with my father and brother

A Borrowed Line Poem from Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Swing

Rickety Swings

Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing

when phones and screens are nowhere to be found

when birdsong and laughter are the sounds

when families gather on rickety swings

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Family Pictures: Strong Women

L-R: Eunice Jones (maternal grandmother); Miriam Haynes (mother); Ann Downing (paternal aunt); Georgia Lee Haynes (paternal grandmother) in our kitchen on Hilton Head Island, S.C., November 28, 1985

Strong women raised me, and it took a village. Before my mother died, she called her husband’s older sister and handed her the reins to be sure she’d be there for me; she knew I would need my Aunt Ann’s sage advice. Elizabeth Ann Haynes Downing, a retired educator who lives an hour north of me in Atlanta, Georgia, knew well the road I would be traveling as my brother and I would be left to navigate our Dad in her absence. Other than Mom, no other person on the face of the planet had ever done such a thing successfully, and no one has since. But Aunt Ann understood what we were up against. She, too, had tried her hand at it a time or two. I have two other wonderful aunts, but Ann has a keen insight into our family dynamics that no other aunt has lived.

My Aunt Ann has been a strong presence in my life from the beginning. Below is a picture of her holding me in the spring of 1967 when I was 9 months old, and she still “holds” me today! She shops better for me than I shop for myself and has been that aunt who would buy clothes for me and for my children and send boxes of them our way. Throughout the years, her church had an annual “gently used items” sale, and she’d get there early and shop for each of us.

Ironically, she knew both my college roommate’s mother and my husband before I ever did. When I moved to my current town in Georgia to be closer to my college roommate after my first husband and I divorced, Stacey and I discovered that her mother and my aunt went to Tift College together, and they still attend those get-togethers even today. Even more surprising, Ann recognized my husband Briar (Stacey introduced me to the man who is now my husband) as the manager of her grocery store from his younger days when he was a Kroger manager! Briar and I enjoy meeting Aunt Ann and Uncle Tom at the OK Cafe, one of Atlanta’s favorite classic diners, as often as we can get to the north side of Atlanta.

And advice. She has helped me make decisions and provided guidance as my closest relative second only to my parents. In many cases, she gave career advice that only another educator can give – – like how to get to retirement the fastest way when you know it’s time and find yourself looking for the door. I wish every girl could have an aunt as wonderful and loving – and smart – as my Aunt Ann! We keep in close contact with her children, our cousins Elizabeth and John, and my brother and husband and I enjoy getting together with them whenever we can find our way to be in the same place at the same time!

Aunt Ann and me, April 1967, Waycross, Georgia

In December 2025, we celebrated Uncle Tom’s 90th birthday, and here we are below in the kitchen of their home in Brookhaven, Georgia.

I’m so blessed by this strong woman in my life, who talks family and education and politics and religion and books and all things life with me. The good Lord sure winked on me when he gave me an aunt this loving and kind!

Aunt Ann and me, December 2025, Brookhaven, Georgia

Strong Women Shadorma

everywhere

I’ve been, you’ve been there

by my side

wisdom flows ~

one woman to another

strength from the tap root

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Family Photos: Noah’s Ark

Then God told Noah, “Come out of the ark. And bring the animals with you so they can be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” So Noah and his family came out with all the animals (Genesis 8:13–19).

Mallory, 1989, holding a Calico Critter in the ark

When my children were little, my parents had wooden arks and every kind of animal you could imagine to go on the ark. They didn’t limit ark tickets to animals, either; they weren’t concerned about the Biblical accuracy of the species. We were an inclusive family who had the entire set of the California Raisins and Disney characters (and I think we really did have 101 Dalmatians) from Happy Meal toys, Calico Critters, Where’s Waldo figures, and even Pac Man pairs – in addition to the standard elephants, giraffes, monkeys and so forth on our arks.

The only things my oldest daughter wanted from the house when we were cleaning were the California Raisins. I managed to find several and send them to her, and today they sit in her home in Henderson, Nevada. These memories of ark days still bring joy to her, and in the photos I can see the grandmother/granddaughter bond of love as they chat and spend time – something my mother always did well. Mom could have taught a Masterclass on embracing all kinds, even those who may not appear to belong on the ark. She made room, just like I’m sure Noah did back in the day.

Calling All Animals: A Noah’s Ark Golden Hinge Poem

so Noah and his family came out with all the animals

Noah brought animals of all kinds ~ California Raisins, 101 Dalmatians,

and even PacMan and Waldo – – all kinds, not just

his own ideas of what was ordinary…..he surely looked at all his own

family and knew all their ways of belonging, then

came to decide that all creatures, even those

out of left field or from off the beaten path, and all those

with their own quirks and all their issues, yes,

all ….all….all….should be welcomed onto

the ark, for all of God’s children are, truly,

animals, after all……

Mallory playing with the arks, around 1990 (a California Raisin is wearing a Santa hat directly above her right hand)
Mallory and Mimi (my mother) talking, while my son Marshall holds Happy Meal toy Anne-Marie from All Dogs Go to Heaven
Mallory, smiling over all God’s animals

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Family Pictures: Seamstresses

My grandmother Haynes was a master seamstress. Georgia Lee Harris Haynes made most all her own clothes until her later years, except the Toughskins jeans for her wild-acting boys. Even Sears and Roebuck had to double down on strong threads for boys who ran the dirt roads of rural Georgia barefoot, fishing in creeks and sliding into the water on rocks. It was a skill that served all homemakers well back in those days, and as children of the Great Depression, these were the women who hoarded spools of thread like they were silver. Understandably. I would have been one of them, too, holding tight to everything I had.

Georgia Lee and W.F. Haynes, Sr. on a front porch in Waycross, Georgia late 1930s

I don’t remember my grandmother Jones ever sewing anything, but my mother sure did! She made us matching dresses throughout the years just like Maria and all those children in The Sound of Music wearing the living room drapes all through the town. She made most of her formals, including her own wedding dress and veil. Instead of carrying a bouquet, she fashioned a Bible with ribbons streaming down – the one thing I saved along with her wedding album.

And she tried to teach her daughter to do so much more than buttons and shoulder ties and elastic waists and bias tape for reversible wraparound skirts, but I threw my hands up in holy hell at zippers and cried real tears of frustration just like I did with piano lessons and the clarinet, and that was that. I made it through basic sewing training, but I never became a master seamstress in the footprints of the women before me. Now, I mostly make flannel rag quilts for my grandchildren on my mother’s prized Bernina machine, one of her most beloved treasures, and I think she’d be proud to know that it’s currently being used to make a stars-and-stripes-and narwhals quilt for her great grandson due to arrive July 4, 2026.

Miriam Ruth Jones marrying W.F. Haynes, Jr., on Saturday, June 20, 1964 – Waycross, Georgia
Easter Outfits Sunday, April 11, 1971 – Reynolds, Georgia – Mom was just a couple months pregnant with my brother, Ken, who would arrive in November
Christmas 1974, Blackshear, Georgia at my Jones Grandparents’ house in front of the tinsel tree in matching dresses

Sewing Zeno

wraparound skirts or buttonholes,

shoulder ties not

a hard

sell

elastic waists

serve me

well

I flee fast from

zipper

hell

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Family Pictures: Water, Water, Everywhere!

Water.

As I go through family photos this month in the process of digitizing to share with other family members, if I had to choose the most common motif of place and setting in terms of geography, it would be water. It seems logical since I grew up on the coast that there would be water in our activities, but even in places that weren’t all that watery, we still managed to somehow find the water of a place wherever we went.

As a child, I’d go with my parents and grandparents to Fernandina beach to camp and fish. After a number of years of doing that, my parents and grandparents bought a place on the Sapelo River in Georgia so they could go there instead – – they traded in tents and the camper for their own place on the river and built a dock so they could leave the boat right there instead of hauling it around all the time.

We threw cast nets and trawled for shrimp, fished, and set crab pots. We could have lived pretty much off that river. Fresh seafood was always what was for dinner. My favorite part was going through the shrimp net when they pulled it up. You never knew what was going to be in there, from squid to shrimp to crabs, eels, octopus, fish, jellyfish, and even horseshoe crabs and the occasional turtle. The critters we weren’t keeping got tossed straight back into the water quickly, and that was part of my job. I had a pair of long tongs that I could use to get these things.

The day the river property sold, I wrote about it here. I also wrote about Ootie the otter, who lived in this bend of the river and naturally seemed to take to other animals and made his home base the eagle rehabilitation center run by Emmy Minor a few docks down. I loved visiting that place.

My mother, late 1970s
My mother and her father sort through a net
My mother holding up a crab with a pair of long tongs like the ones I used
My dad with a crab pot

Lowcountry Boil was dad’s specialty, and it was sometimes what we had for holidays, too. It’s hard to eat turkey when there is fresh catch, all free straight out of the river, for the taking. And it’s tastier.

I miss those days of endless shrimp and crab.

Sapelo Cinquain

river

meandering

like life blood through the veins

it stays in the heart forever

calling

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Family Pictures: Georgia Lee Harris Haynes

Georgia Lee Harris Haynes was my paternal grandmother. She was a pastor’s wife straight to the core, and she loved cats more than anything else in this world. Although I grew into cat allergies in my preteen years, I wasn’t allergic when I was younger. I learned my first great lesson about feline feistiness when I pulled the tail of her Siamese cat named Fye. I got a painful clawscratch from one side of the face to the other, and I never did that again.

Georgia Lee was a devout As the World Turns fan. That hour was my nap time, too, if I was staying with her. When I heard the show’s theme song come on, I had to go to my dad and uncle’s growing-up room and crawl in the bed. I wasn’t allowed to watch all that kissing. That was her laundry hour – her ironing board stayed set up in the living room, and she spent the hour ironing clothes she’d pulled in off the backyard clothesline.

And she made those thin layer cakes – chocolate or caramel would be waiting under the aluminum cake cover with a dent in it each time I visited. Her choice of clothing matched the shades of her cakes always ~ browns, tans, chocolates, caramels. She wore snap-up dusters and terry cloth sock slippers with plastic soles and almost always appeared to be doing a variety of household tasks, but you’d never find her house clean. Ever. Everything was everywhere, S&S Greenstamp books included – – the complete opposite of my other grandparents, whose motto was A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place. These two grandmothers were opposites in so many ways, but one thing they had in common was that they loved their grandchildren and great grandchildren!

My firstborn, Mallory, with great grandparents Georgia Lee and W. F.

Georgia Lee didn’t talk a whole lot, but I’d often look over and see that she was smiling or laughing to herself, as if she were self-amused about something only she saw. Her favorite expression: My Lands!

I love these pictures of her, rocking me in 1966 and giving my daughter, her first great-grandchild, a music box for her first birthday in January 1988 as my grandfather Haynes looked on. It seems like it was jut the blink of an eye ago, and I can still see the wonder in their eyes as they watched her fall under the music box’s magical spell.

Music Box Tricube

the wonder

of a child’s

music box

to listen,

watch wide-eyed

to each note

to watch them

listening

mouth agape