In Dad’s final days, he reminded us to keep on growing.
Room Service
birds
have to eat
their body weight
each day
but plants
have to have
room service
Felix Stories: GROW
July Gift Basket for the Bad Ass Book Club
This month, I’m sharing some of Dad’s conversations in his final days, and in one of them that you can hear at the bottom of this post, he revealed a surprising thought about how we feel about folks from time to time. His revelation reminded me of a poem that I wrote recently for a small group of women in one of my writing circles.
My Stafford Challenge group meets the first Monday of each month by Zoom to chat and write together, and we’re a group of women who enjoy reading as much as writing. I’ve been writing a form each month called Gift Basket writing, where I choose three things I’d give a person in a gift basket for that month. This one is dedicated especially to my Stafford Writing Group sisters – Barb Edler of Iowa, Glenda Funk of Idaho, and Denise Krebs of California. At the time I wrote this, I’d recently stumbled across a book club I’d love to join, even for the name alone, and there is actually a summer camp in Maine for its readers – this is a real thing. My dream summer is going to this book club’s summer camp, and I’ve added it to the bucket list.
Bad Bitch Book Club
if I were giving you
a gift basket
I’d make it a
Bad Bitch gift basket
to welcome the storms
of the world~
you’d receive
a t-shirt that says
BAD BITCH BOOK CLUB
complete with
a membership to
the Bad Bitch Book Club
(yes ~ it’s a real thing
with its own dot com)
and a mirror
so you’ll always
see the
baddest of the kick-ass bad
right in the palm of your hand~
knowing your Bad Bitch sisters
have your back!
It’s okay to have a BB attitude sometimes……even my preacher Dad in his final days confessed that there are times we are all a little bit badass. You can listen here:
So Many Variables
This month, I’m sharing conversations that my brother and I had with our father in his final days of life on this side of Heaven. In this conversation, he was yearning to go back home – a place where he never, unfortunately, was able to return. My brother and I spent long weeks at his bedside, and each day we had conversations and learned of things he needed us to do before his time came. We were blessed to be able to help him accomplish some of those things. Like yesterday, I chose a diminishing form and used Dad’s exact words for today’s poem. This is a nonet form, and it creates the sense of urgency to live a day at a time…..and there are only so many.
Never Enough Time Nonet
there are so many variables
in this thing… who knows?….you just have
to go with the flow, one day
at a time ~ that’s the way
you have to live your
life, Dad urges
(we agree ~
to a
point)*
*My brother and I loved our father, but one frustration we shared was that despite our foresight we’d shared on getting some affairs (and his house and collections of books and other things) in order, he waited until the last minute, leaving many tasks undone and relying on us to do things for him in those final days. While I do believe in going with the flow and allowing the good Lord to open doors, I’m not an exclusive member of the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit club – words he used often. I’ve also learned that he who dies with the most toys does not win. I believe in planning ahead. Despite all that we wish he had done differently, we are still learning from our dad – most of it is what to do, yet much is what not to do.
Waiting for the Next Thing to Happen Etheree
This month, I’m sharing some of Dad’s final conversations with us in the last days of his life. In this one, he urges us to live to the fullest and to make every minute count as he did a lot of hospital waiting. I chose the etheree form for this poem, created with his exact words, since the etheree form (ten lines with each numbered line having that many syllables in it) visually shows the diminishing time and creates the sense of urgency to live.
You Can’t Kick The Can Down the Road
isn’t this what we’re all doing, really?
waiting for the next thing to happen?
it’s not day by day, but hourly
we must use our time wisely
all we’ve got is today
every minute counts
life is today
whatever
is, just
is
Felix’s Favorite Stories: The Secret to Happiness
Dad told the Secret to Happiness story best and referenced it often in his sermons. In the photo below, the fairy fable from Leo Buscaglia’s Loving Each Other is one he took to heart. He was always meeting the needs of others, always illustrating lessons through stories. This month, I’m sharing some of the audio clips I recorded as my brother and I talked with him in his final days. His words live on.
secrets lie within
the pages of obscure books
read widely: you’ll see
Grapes and Ladders Vineyard – Ellijay, Georgia
I went for a quick getaway to Ellijay, Georgia between Dad’s funeral and the tasks of cleaning out a house and storage rooms with my brother. Somehow, my thoughts went straight to visiting vineyards, and I think I found a retirement plan up there waiting for me in the North Georgia mountains. Crisp air, majestic views, friendly dogs, tasty wines – – just add friends and family, coffee, a fire pit with an Adirondack chair and a book, and…..that’s the life for me! It’s just the medicine I needed for these days in between – – similar to the kind of medicine Dad described in one of his final conversations with us. You can listen here:
Dog-Friendly Vineyard Retirement Dream Haiku
my retirement dream
is pouring wine tastings for
people and their pets
because the longer
the people sit and sample,
the better life gets!
July Shadorma
who better
to lead our nation
than the ones
who built it:
caring women and men with
strong humanity?
Today’s Shadorma was inspired by Dad’s views on women in leadership roles. You can listen below to his story he shared about the power of women in ministry, words from the heart spoken by our Southern Baptist father as told to his two Southern Baptist children (one of us is currently married to a member of the Catholic faith, and one of us formerly was) in his final days of life. The thing about Dad was his love for others. ALL others, even those who believed differently from him. His full embrace of humanity far exceeded differences of religion, politics, sexual orientation, and race. He even loved those who didn’t like Georgia Bulldog football or the Atlanta Braves.
It all had something to do with the way his mother demonstrated this first. He learned from her. Take a listen:
One Little Hummer Pantoum – and Why I Love Birdwatching
I came to love birdwatching when, as a child, my mother pointed out every bird and called it by name. Wherever we were, she’d point to cardinals, chickadees, bluebirds, and tell us about them. On drives from our home to visit our grandparents, Mom spotted every hawk and announced it – Cooper’s Hawk, Red-Tailed Hawk, Red-Shouldered Hawk, and so on. She knew them all. My mom’s mother was known for her landscaped yard with flowers and shrubs of many kinds – – along with her bird feeders and bird baths. There was never any doubt that I’d take their legacy of their deep love of birds into future generations.
It’s also why I feel their presence most closely where birds are concerned. And it’s why sometimes I wonder if birds are angels, of a sort. It’s why my heart has been so heavy since they clear cut all the trees on our farm, save for a few hardwoods – after putting out specific seeds to attract specific birds over the years and then celebrating when they showed up. We will replant, but tall trees are years away.
I doubled down on my hummingbird feeders for that reason, and was delighted to see that my favorite hummingbird from last summer has returned. I cried when she left last year, lingering longer than all the rest, and I’d know her anywhere. She’s the only one who gives thanks for her food, looking me straight in the eye with sincerity. She’s back.
one little hummer
hovers close, looks me in the eye
expressing thanks for her sweet nectar
a fighter jet on gratitude pause
hovers close, looks me in the eye
just as she did last summer
a fighter jet on gratitude pause
this ruby-throated hummer
just as she did last summer
she was the last to fly south
this ruby-throated hummer
turning my tears of grief to joy
she was the last to fly south
expressing thanks for her sweet nectar
turning my tears of grief to joy
one little hummer
June Short: Gold Eye Mask Zeno
This one is for my sister in law, who introduced me to Stella and Grace eye masks. What a treat – they remove wrinkles and under-eye bags. Thank you, Jennifer! I’m using the Zeno form today, a short form that uses rhyming on the single syllable lines and takes the 8,4,2, 1,3,2,1 syllable line count.
just last weekend I learned about
energizing
gold eye
masks
morning calm
peaceful
basks
helpful tip for
one who
asks
June Open Write Day 1 of 3 with Leilya Pitre of Louisiana
Our host today for the first day of the June Open Write is Leilya Pitre of Louisiana. She inspires us to write dictionary poems. You can write read her full prompt here.
She outlines this process for writing a dictionary poem:
Choose a word that may describe you, and then then write your poem as if it were a dictionary entry from your life. Include some or all of the following parts:
- Etymology: Where did this word enter your life? Who gave it to you? When did it start to matter?
- Definition: What does this word really mean to you now?
- Synonyms/Antonyms: What words shadow it? What words have you replaced it with?
- Misuses: When was the word used unfairly or wrongly?
- Example Sentence: Include a personal memory or story that shows this word in action—your version of how it lived in your world.
What word have you carried? Write your own life-definition poem. You may follow this format closely or bend it to suit you. You may completely disregard the prompt and/or the instructions and write whatever brings you joy today.
Before Dad died, he kept urging us to tap into the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit. He loved words and their sounds and meanings. I’m choosing the word serendipitous today as my dictionary word.
serendipitous (adj.) – a favorite word of Felix Haynes; he referred to the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit – it began mattering in the days leading up to his death when he urged us to watch for things to happen – to unfold in unexpected and divinely inspired ways.
definition – the divineness of the hand that parts waters, lights stars, and moves mountains like in Romans 8:28, making a way where there seems to be no way.
synonym – beneficial
antonym – unfortunate
misuses – planned, controlled, humanly intentional
sentence: Don’t be surprised when the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit sweep in and cause miracles to happen.
