“Please, Don’t Squeeze…”
I’d had a crush on you
since high school
my parents tried
to nip it in the bud
but it couldn’t be squelched
I hugged my pillow
to sleep
pretending it was you
when you squeezed my hand
on our first date
I knew you were
the one for me
when you fixed my hamburger
gently squeezing
the mustard and ketchup
onto my buns
I had to fan
the flames of desire
you had a good grip on life
sold your ball python
to buy me a ring
we got hitched
managed to squeak by
even in our poorest days
before long
little Whipples came along
You cheered me on-
“PUSH!”
I showed you how
to swaddle babies
you were
a wonderful dad
always
molding Play-Doh
squeezing fresh OJ
showing proper toothpaste dispensing
winning the
Whipple Reunion award
for best hugs 
I noticed something 
you had a particular skill for the job that made you famous
the rest is history
I, Charmin Whipple
will always
be your main squeeze
I’ve got your back
The end
-Kim Johnson

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