Patchwork Prose and Verse
It’s already as hot as August
in Mid-June, the kind of heat that
makes you wonder how we all
don’t cook to hardened arms and
faces like a pig on a spit
and why dogs don’t all
wear shoes on their feet
to go anywhere
and just exactly how people
without air conditioning lived
ages ago and whether frying
ice cream should be legal.
I’m not “extra.”
I live a simple life in a modest home in the rural Georgia countryside where, as they say, it gets so hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk. I work as a Literacy Specialist in a school system, so I do a lot of reading and writing in my “spare time” – enjoying the quiet times. I love long walks with my three Schnoodles (a portmanteau for Schnauzer/Poodle designer dogs, who were popularly considered mere mutts up until recently) – Boo Radley (To Kill a Mockingbird), Fitz (F. Scott Fitzgerald), and Ollie (male-gendered name for Mary Oliver, my favorite poet). I also enjoy filling my birdfeeders with different types of seeds to be able to observe a variety of avian friends, and taking to full nature experiences in state parks on weekends in my small teardrop camper. I apply a thin layer of makeup with my own fingertips (no fancy brushes or sponges for me) only on days when it’s absolutely necessary, and I don’t filter my photos to make myself look ten years younger. I dont’ wear the latest fashions ~ my blue jeans are a store brand, not a name brand. And my travel mugs are not inspired by social media influencers – nor does Tik Tok govern my thinking (I think I’ve watched a grand total of 3 Tik Tok videos in my life).
I’m not “extra.” But this isn’t all about me.
It’s about high-tech hydration for a girl with heat sensitivity who is prone to dehydration and who happens to be road tripping from Chicago to Albuquerque along Route 66 in the mid-summer heat later this month.
A girl who must proactively bathe her organs in cool-flowing internal water fountains, who needs a little more than a salt tablet and a recycled plastic bottle of Dasani or Deer Park or Aquafina along for the ride.
I begin my review of the best water tumbler with the Hydro Flask 40-ounce tumbler, which I got on a Black Friday deal in November to replace a Yeti, which had replaced a Tervis before that. I bought two and gave a charcoal gray one to my son, who works on the rooftops of houses in the South Carolina sun along a lower latitude line, even closer to the equator than I am.
I have dropped this tumbler more than the Atlanta Falcons drop a football and slammed on brakes so hard once that I’m surprised it didn’t soar like a missile straight through the windshield ~ but still, no dings or dents in this plainest-colored bottle, white as a snow-topped Alaskan mountain from the view of a Lido deck over coffee.
It’s in great shape, but there are a few things that prompted me to seek a better tumbler fit.
One is the portability of the thing. It doesn’t fit in either of the front cup holders in my car or in the door holders, because the bottom isn’t tapered. While that may not be a big deal to most people, I often keep it in the front seat if I’m traveling alone, or in the back seat if I’m traveling with a passenger. When the driver happens to be my husband, who takes most curves on two wheels, the missile takes aim for doors and floors as he drives.
As he was driving last week, I reached into the back seat and secured it in the seat flap, to his great relief.
I’m glad you got that thing under control, he thanked me. It was scaring me every time it hit the door.
I resisted the temptation to suggest that if he took our rolling hills and curves a little slower, it wouldn’t be hitting the door with such force. Trouble is, his words rang true. It was always in the foot somewhere, spinning and rolling around like a tantrum-throwing toddler, just enough to be annoying.
His words prompted my search for a better traveling tumbler. One that would stay put and get the job done. And so I gathered some cups for a full review of what will work best to keep me out of dehydration and help me avoid a heat stroke.
I’m not “extra.” I’m just needy, and slightly particular.
The Pros of the Hydro Flask 40 -ounce
It holds a lot of water.
It’s big, but not too big.
It keeps ice cold overnight, into the next day.
It comes in a variety of colors.
It can be carried inside a backpack without leaking.
It has a pop-up straw.
It’s durable, practically indestructible to the point that it might prove to be bulletproof.
The Cons:
It is bulky and heavy.
It doesn’t fit in any of my cup holders.
It has a handle that makes it awkward to carry. (But you can order a lid with a jug handle).
The opening is smaller than its thickness, making it harder to fill with ice.
The bottleneck opening makes it a bit harder to clean (you need a bottle brush).
The suction is good, but the square mouthpiece is uncomfortable.
Tomorrow, I’ll review the Stanley Ice Flow 30-ounce tumbler.
My husband thinks I’m over the top to be planning which cup to take for the best hydration on our trip. He chuckled one of his I’m going to keep my mouth shut, but my wife is crazy laughs when he saw a row of cups lined up on the kitchen counter.
“Look, I know you think I’ve lost my mind, but if I get dehydrated, I’ll make you lose yours,” I told him.
That got his attention, bringing back memories of the day I was at Six Flags Over Georgia with my daughter, her boyfriend, and my stepson. I got so dehydrated and overheated riding roller coasters that I went to the public bathroom and flung myself down on the floor in the stall to be able to put my cheek to the cool concrete. I was delirious and could not think straight, knowing only that I was fading fast and had to get my cheek temperature down pronto – and I needed a Coca Cola with ice. While my daughter got in line and waited for the Coke, I waited in the stall, rotating my cheeks, not caring one iota about all the germs. I was trying to survive the brutal Georgia heat – – face down on a public bathroom floor, doing what I had to do to prevent a red-light ride to the hospital.
I called my husband to come get me, since we only had one car at the park. We’d paid full ticket prices that summer, and since we’d planned to stay until the park closed, I didn’t want to take the kids away from the fun when they could drive home later.
When we’d first married, my husband drove a race car many weekends. Along with his brother and father, they competed in racing events as a team ~ Johnson Motorsports, or JMS Racing as they were known. We’d hang out at the race track all weekend, and by the time we were loading up to leave, someone would often warn me that my cheeks were red. Each of them knew to watch for that tell-tale sign, knowing that I’m heat-sensitive and dehydrate faster than a dog in the desert. On more than one occasion, I’ve had to get in the truck and keep my face in the air conditioning while the rest of the crew finished loading up.
So hydration is serious business for me. My skin tightens and I feel my heartbeat as if it were split in two, furiously waving checkered flags under each eye socket.
Over the next week, I’ll be reviewing an assortment of cups to determine the best one to take along Route 66. Mine needs to not only hold a lot of water, but also to be able to keep ice frozen overnight. Since 2022, I’ve been taking my 40-ounce Hydro Flask with the pop-up straw to work every day. I fill it with ice in the morning, add filtered water, and drink from it until lunchtime. After lunch, I fill it again and drink that before replenishing the ice and filling it a third time when I leave. This way, I have the pure, filtered water to last me through the evening until the following morning.
Tomorrow, I’ll begin my reviews with the Hydro Flask 40-ounce cup.
Common Threads 