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Tell Me You’re a Tree Hugger Without Telling Me You’re a Tree Hugger

for 18 years there have been no curtains

hanging in my house ~ I was against it

there have been no blinds, no shades –

just sheers to diffuse the sunlight

streaming in

but only in a few windows

the trees that once filtered it

have all been stripped from the land

more violently than a thief

ripping the pearls off a debutante

but today the house ~ once bright~

is dark and dim to keep the cool

not the oven it became

when the last trees fell

and I succumbed to curtains

but now depression

I fear

is setting in

what is life if not living among the trees?

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One Little Hummer Pantoum – and Why I Love Birdwatching

I came to love birdwatching when, as a child, my mother pointed out every bird and called it by name. Wherever we were, she’d point to cardinals, chickadees, bluebirds, and tell us about them. On drives from our home to visit our grandparents, Mom spotted every hawk and announced it – Cooper’s Hawk, Red-Tailed Hawk, Red-Shouldered Hawk, and so on. She knew them all. My mom’s mother was known for her landscaped yard with flowers and shrubs of many kinds – – along with her bird feeders and bird baths. There was never any doubt that I’d take their legacy of their deep love of birds into future generations.

It’s also why I feel their presence most closely where birds are concerned. And it’s why sometimes I wonder if birds are angels, of a sort. It’s why my heart has been so heavy since they clear cut all the trees on our farm, save for a few hardwoods – after putting out specific seeds to attract specific birds over the years and then celebrating when they showed up. We will replant, but tall trees are years away.

I doubled down on my hummingbird feeders for that reason, and was delighted to see that my favorite hummingbird from last summer has returned. I cried when she left last year, lingering longer than all the rest, and I’d know her anywhere. She’s the only one who gives thanks for her food, looking me straight in the eye with sincerity. She’s back.

one little hummer

hovers close, looks me in the eye

expressing thanks for her sweet nectar

a fighter jet on gratitude pause

hovers close, looks me in the eye

just as she did last summer

a fighter jet on gratitude pause

this ruby-throated hummer

just as she did last summer

she was the last to fly south

this ruby-throated hummer

turning my tears of grief to joy

she was the last to fly south

expressing thanks for her sweet nectar

turning my tears of grief to joy

one little hummer

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First The Landscape Changed

first the landscape changed ~

two months ago they clear cut this land

harvested the pine trees

I cried for the trees,

for the birds

I’d loved to watch from the front porch

for their nests

for their eggs

for their fledglings

a few remained in the hardwoods,

the usual cast of characters~

cardinals, wrens, finches, pine warblers

my favorite wood thrushes

but then Dad died

and the world changed

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June Short: Gold Eye Mask Zeno

This one is for my sister in law, who introduced me to Stella and Grace eye masks. What a treat – they remove wrinkles and under-eye bags. Thank you, Jennifer! I’m using the Zeno form today, a short form that uses rhyming on the single syllable lines and takes the 8,4,2, 1,3,2,1 syllable line count.

just last weekend I learned about

energizing

gold eye

masks

morning calm

peaceful

basks

helpful tip for

one who

asks

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June Pantoum: I Had a Horrific Dream

A Pantoum poem contains 16 lines and is a recycled line poem using only 8 original lines in this frame of appearance: 1234. 2546. 5768. 7381.

I had a horrific dream

I woke up crying because

Mom was still alive when Dad was dying

and he rejected Mom

I woke up crying because

Dad was coerced by a desperate stranger

and he rejected Mom

for a hand-flapping liar

Dad was coerced by a desperate stranger

he cast aside the love of his life

for a hand-flapping liar

Dad was declared insane

he cast aside the love of his life

Mom was still alive when Dad was dying

Dad was declared insane

I had a horrific dream

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June Open Write Day 3 of 3 with Leilya Pitre

Leilya Pitre of Louisiana is our host today for the last day of the June Open Write. You can read her full prompt here. She inspires us to write poems about small acts of kindness. If you’ve ever curated a music playlist on a theme, you know there is excitement in the discovery of related verse – it’s an addictive cognitive hobby. Leilya has done that – curated a group of poems on a theme – and offers several model poems to use as inspiration. She shares these below:

She explains the process and urges us to write an etheree or nonet as our poetry form.

  1. Choose a small action or quality that you believe helps make someone a decent human being or good citizen. It may be kindness, honesty, fairness, patience, curiosity, listening, speaking up, sharing, helping, apologizing, forgiving, welcoming, learning, planting, voting, mending, repairing, thanking…
  2. Brainstorm what this word or act looks like in daily life. How does it show up? Who taught it to you? How do you practice or witness it?
  3. Write a poem celebrating or exploring this quality or act.
  • Nonet → 9 lines; starts with 9 syllables, decreasing by one each line.
  • Etheree → 10 lines; starts with 1 syllable, increasing by one each line.

A Gift of Dill Pickle Chip

I slide my dill pickle to the side

a rippled chip, algae-hued green

floppy, salty, puckery

knowing he’s eyeing it,

never having to

ask for this chip

he knows I’ll

offer

it

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June Open Write Day 2 of 3 with Tammi Belko

Tammi Belko of Ohio is our host today for the second day of the June Open Write, inspiring us to write poems about our normalcy. You can read her full prompt here.

Tammi explains the process:

1. Use the word “normal” or another word of your choice.
2. Brainstorm examples or characteristics of that word as they relate to your life or the world around you past or present.

3. Write a poem that defines your chosen word. Your poem may take any form.

Teaching Ideas:

  • Choose nuanced vocabulary words for students to incorporate into their poems.
  • Have students select nuanced words to describe a character from a novel studied in class and use the word in their poem.

Kim’s Normal Poem

the day normal changed

normal changed on Friday the 13th

the way things do

when Dad drew his last breath

my brother and I

had gone home

for showers and sleep

planning to return

shortly

but shortly came sooner

than we’d thought

and the Hospice nurse

called to tell us

we could come spend time

with him before

she called the funeral home

we walked in to find him

under a scripture-embroidered

bright yellow blanket

wearing his Georgia Bulldogs cap

as if he were taking a nap

right before the game

at perfect peace

with the world

as we exchanged

a knowing look:

it would only be normal

for our quirky dad to

wear his velvet-sleeved

doctoral robe

and ball cap straight

through the pearly gates

***

he brought tears

and laughter as folks

realized: this is so Felix!

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June Open Write Day 1 of 3 with Leilya Pitre of Louisiana

Our host today for the first day of the June Open Write is Leilya Pitre of Louisiana. She inspires us to write dictionary poems. You can write read her full prompt here.

She outlines this process for writing a dictionary poem:

Choose a word that may describe you, and then then write your poem as if it were a dictionary entry from your life. Include some or all of the following parts:

  • Etymology: Where did this word enter your life? Who gave it to you? When did it start to matter?
  • Definition: What does this word really mean to you now?
  • Synonyms/Antonyms: What words shadow it? What words have you replaced it with?
  • Misuses: When was the word used unfairly or wrongly?
  • Example Sentence: Include a personal memory or story that shows this word in action—your version of how it lived in your world.

What word have you carried? Write your own life-definition poem. You may follow this format closely or bend it to suit you. You may completely disregard the prompt and/or the instructions and write whatever brings you joy today.

Before Dad died, he kept urging us to tap into the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit. He loved words and their sounds and meanings. I’m choosing the word serendipitous today as my dictionary word.

serendipitous (adj.) – a favorite word of Felix Haynes; he referred to the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit – it began mattering in the days leading up to his death when he urged us to watch for things to happen – to unfold in unexpected and divinely inspired ways.

definition – the divineness of the hand that parts waters, lights stars, and moves mountains like in Romans 8:28, making a way where there seems to be no way.

synonym – beneficial

antonym – unfortunate

misuses – planned, controlled, humanly intentional

sentence: Don’t be surprised when the serendipitous steering currents of the spirit sweep in and cause miracles to happen.

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Visitation Day

Today would have been my parents’ 61st wedding anniversary, but instead we’ll be having a visitation for Dad on the eve of his funeral. Mom has been gone for 10 years, and Dad just wasn’t the same without her. She was the love of his life and the only person who has ever been able to help him manage in a way that made any sense. Small snippets of the past three weeks come rushing back, not as a movie in my head but as a bunch of jagged-edged memories without their proper place on a timeline.

I don’t even know what day it is, which way is up or down, or whether I’m hungry or cold. I’ve lost all sense of the hours, whether I’m up past my bedtime or sleeping at all. My clothes may match – or not. It’s that headspace without a comfort zone, where everything feels numb and you hold on, hoping your facial expressions are all performed appropriately at the right times when you’re among people. The feeling is gone. The grief has set in.

this is where I am:

in the midst of chaos, the

corner of nowhere

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Grief Numbness Haiku

Things are starting to hit home, ahead of the funeral on Saturday. Today was a partial reset, in between the day of Dad’s death and the day of the funeral. I feel like I’m just going through the motions on auto-pilot, and I remember this feeling after my mother died. There have been moments I’ve wanted to call and check on him. Then I realize – – I can’t do that anymore.

Today, my brother took Kona, Dad’s dog, to the funeral home to “explain things.” Kona checked him and sat down on his chest with the saddest look of understanding. We wanted her to know that he did not abandon her – – that he died loving her. She has a lovely new family now that will continue to take her to the dog park where she knows the dogs and people there – even though she will always look for the one who will not be returning. We gave her the unlaundered blanket, a gift from Hospice workers, that covered him on his ride from Hospice to the funeral home, and we pray it holds his scent for the rest of her days.

It’s all hitting so hard right now. I wasn’t expecting the numbness quite in this way. There will be some connecting with others who have lost fathers in the coming days. For today, I simply put one foot in front of the other and take breaths, pour coffee, and fold laundry. This is what I can do, and it brings a sense of accomplishment.

grief numbness sets in

after losing my father

is this happening???